IELTS Task 2 Essay writing

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

The mark of a successful person is to be wealthy and have a successful career.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


A student wrote:

Nowadays, both education and experience are regarded as useful for success, some people say that education is much better than experience, while others think that experience is much more useful, thus many people have different ideologies concerning the matter of jobs for younger students. So thus these both views will now be discussed.

Firstly, let’s speak about academic education. Almost eighty percent of the people believe that education is needed to pursue a good career, and thus the result of many youngsters are given academic education, be it at home or school. Education is said to be the source of power; if a person has good education and is very literate, then wealth and respect is always there for him. ‘Knowledge is power’, is a very famous quote, it is easily understandable, it means that education and literacy always gives you wealth and respect. So thus education is very useful and so it promises a very successful life.

Then comes the argument of experience, again experience is also a very useful thing, which is seen and counted among employers. The jobs which offer the most require, usually, a minimum of at least 4-8 years experience, so thus many youngsters and teenagers are given the experience of work, so that later on they don’t have trouble in seeking jobs, later. So normally experience too gives aid for people who need a job, and makes a good combination with education.

Lastly I would just like to say that both education and both experience are good and useful in their own way, and our not better than each other, they are equally good, and make an extremely useful combination.

(276 words)

Band Score: 5.5

Comments:

The word count is good, but the main problem is that the addressing the topic is missing. The Task required a response about whether success can be measured by having wealth and a good career, but it has focused on education and experience. Some sentences also need to be presented in a more formal manner (‘First, let’s speak about….’)

There are errors with punctuation that make the essay difficult to follow at times (such as the first line of the introduction).

The essay also needs more examples to support the points made in the paragraphs.

However, some good vocabulary has been used.

 


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